Yes... I still had to hit the snooze button about three times because my bed is just so comfortable and I was having an awesome dream about Castiel from Supernatural.
But as the morning has gone on, I am more and more happy it's Monday. Maybe it was the dream, maybe it's because on my drive to work this song came on (and I can't be in a bad mood after listening to it) or the Starbucks I was able to scrape up enough money for...
I think what it is though... is that it's done. The announcement is made, it's all happening.
Remember how last week I was asking for prayers and good thoughts and I was on an emotional roller-coaster?
It's because I quit my job.
Well... technically, I sent in my resignation letter.
This has been a long time coming - but most people didn't know about it. For a long time now, I have felt God whispering to me. Not a literal audible whisper, but nudgings and urgings. (I know this is a lot of "Christianese speak" and I apologize for that. I hate getting all into "Christianese" but sometimes there really isn't a better way to describe it.) I feel like God has been telling me that I've done what I needed to do in youth ministry, I did well, but it's time to move on.
It took me what felt like forever to make a decision. For months I prayed,, talked with friends and family, cried, and thought. I wasn't sure what I wanted to do and which direction to take. I love the youth here, I love the families, and I don't want to leave them.
But I also know in my heart this isn't what God is calling me to do right now.
So, in early May, the day I wrote this blog post, I jumped off the ledge. I met with my senior pastor at Starbucks and we talked for a long time. We talked about what I felt God was telling me, where my passions are, how to approach the congregation, what my timeline would be, and everything about life. I am so grateful for that conversation. I went into it with shaking hands and worried about how he would react.
And he reacted as a friend, wanting to encourage me and help me find my calling.
We decided I would say through the remainder of the year. No one else can do what I do at the last minute during the summer with the youth, and I knew the months would fly by. August or September would be too soon for me to get things together.
So I am staying through December. It gives me time to job search, get things ready here at the church, and also wrap up loose ends.
All of the formal announcements came last week, and I am floored by the support I have been given. Everyone has been incredibly understanding. Parents have even approached me in helping me in my job search. It's all been so bitter-sweet. A mix of tears and excitement.
It was perfect timing because a lot of the college students were home for the weekend. One of them that I've known for a long time (she was an 8th grader when I started at this church!) came and talked to me for a while. She understood. She noted "This week must have been emotionally exhausting."
It really was. It wasn't bad, but emotionally exhausting.
So here I am, Monday morning. While there are elements of sadness lingering in the air, I feel relieved.
Everyone knows. No more secrets. No more big announcements.
I may have no idea where I am going next or what God's plans are for me. But at least it's the first day of a new beginning. A weights has been lifted off of my shoulders and I can move on.
I'm excited and scared. (Name that musical!)
And honestly... and it sounds awful... but it makes me excited for this blog and my writing. I'm going to be able to share with you all what I've been thinking and feeling over the last several months (if not years) which I haven't been able to before. Already, from the few blog/internet friends I've been able to share with I have gotten amazing amounts of support. You all get to be with me there on the journey. (And I'm getting a new blog design in the next few weeks - yay!)
So... here we go.
Bring it on, Monday.