And yes, I'm going to reference that blog post as often as I can so Disney can notice and finally make a movie about me.
One of the main reasons I love Frozen, and I'm sure it's the same for so many other people, is the song "Let it Go."
This song has become my anthem. Whenever I'm driving around and it comes on my iPod I turn up the volume and belt, pretending that I'm Idina Menzel. Which happens often... I'm looking at you "Defying Gravity" (Wicked) and "Over the Moon" (Rent).
While, deep down, I really am like Anna. Younger sister, I would always bug my sister early on Saturday mornings to come out and play, I'm socially awkward, etc. there was still something that made me really connect to Elsa.
Elsa had this fantastic power, but it could be dangerous too. Growing up she always felt like she had to hide away and keep it in. She needed to control her power.
I've always felt like I needed to be perfect. I needed to be the good girl. Put on a smile and be strong. I don't think anyone ever pressured me to do so, it was something I did to myself. Then, when I was in college studying to be a youth minister and then going into youth ministry, I put even more pressure on myself to be this way. Be a good influence, don't mess up, have it together for the teenagers, have a smile and be confident for the parents, etc.
Now, these are all good things, and they are important. Especially when you are in charage of kids and teenagers and you need their parents to trust you. And you need them to trust you as well.
However, I also found myself not always being me. Not letting people see who I really was. Those who I knew for a long time and were close to me saw the real me - to an extent. But I still always felt like I had to be perfect. Especially when I was doubting if minstry was my real calling in life and after I had told my senior pastor I was leaving. For months I couldn't tell anyone what I was planning to do. I remember my last big trip, the National Youth Gathering, in July. There were so many emotions and thoughts going through my mind and I wanted to really treasure this last big event with the high school students, but I couldn't tell anyone about it.
When I saw that scene in the movie, I instantly could relate. It was the last couple weeks of my days as a youth minister, and I could feel the relief Elsa had. I could finally let it go.
Granted, this was a pressure I put on myself for the most part. It wasn't like someone was telling me that I couldn't be me or my church was making me like this. So PLEASE don't take this as me blaming youth ministry or the church or anything. For some reason, I always felt as though I had to be this way. Sometimes, yes, there were moments when ministry and people in the Church (in general, not just the one I was working at) enforced this, but it really came from myself. There's something in me that has always wanted to be a people pleaser and not to disapoint everyone. Which can be a good thing, but also a bad thing.
But now, I feel like I can let it go like Elsa did. The past is behind me and I can only move forward. I'm finally giving myself permission to not worry about what other people think all of the time. I love the line of "It's funny how some distance makes everything seem small, and the fears that once controlled me don't get to me at all." Because it's true. It's funny how everything I was worried about before is gone and I don't think about those problems anymore. The only one whose opinion matters really is God's.
Then she sings "It's time to see what I can do, to test the limits and break through."
Now, I feel like I can really spread my wings. Take risks and chances I wouldn't have before. To really be a renissance woman and try everything.
Also- I moved back to Chicago for the coldest winter ever. Such an Elsa thing to do, isnt it?
And in case you want to sing along with me...
Are there any songs or characters that you've really connected with?