Remember a little over 40 days ago when I talked about Lent and all of this goals I had? I was going to post Love sightings everyday! I was going to start a devotional! I was going to focus on Jesus because Lent is SO AWESOME!
Well.... I failed.
Like, really failed.
Let's start with the more obvious one: the Love Sightings.
It was such a great idea at first! It had to do with my blog and I could keep reminding myself about how "Love actually is ... all around!" I was so excited! But honestly, it was really hard. I saw love every single day, don't get me wrong. But finding something new to post all of the time was difficult. Sometimes you see the same acts of love everyday. (Especially when you work with preschoolers.) They're all wonderful, but sometimes you just get lazy and run out of things to take note of. It's awful... but it's true.
The other one was the devotional I had bought. I really loved it at first. I was able to focus everyday and write my thoughts and prayers out. While I can do this at anytime, it was nice to have something specific to focus on every single day. Then, my schedule switched up. I ended up taking on more hours at a second job in the afternoon which took up most of my devotional time. Yes, I could have found another time to read and write, but I didn't.
Then, I struggled with the second part of the devotional book. It was divided into four parts, and the second one was labeled "Follow." To be honest, I've been having a hard time with following and listening to God's voice. In my mind I keep going back and forth about what it means for God to have a plan and how to follow. Everyday I was reading about God doing these awesome things and asking us to follow him and I would just get frustrated.
Here's some brutal honesty here.
I DID follow. God told me to do something else with my life. To leave everything and go. So I did it. I know it was the right choice and I'm glad I did it. But it's hard. I'm still not 100% sure where God wants me to go next and what he wants me to do. Which is fine. I don't need to know my next steps and I need to keep living my life. I don't want to just wait around for a big "sign" for where to go next. That's not how life works. Yet, I can't help but feel frustrated at times when I'm not sure.
Doubts are okay. Questions are okay. Not finishing a devotional for Lent is okay. God is big enough for our fears, questions, doubts, and failures. He can handle it. Do we get frustrated with it? Yup. Do we give up sometimes? Absolutely.
But praise God he's bigger than that. Thank God my salvation doesn't depend on how well I "do" Lent.
I do want to finish that devotional book, but it'll take me more than 40 days. Which is totally okay. That's what I learned.
Linking up with Oak and Oats for 40 Days of Lent.